The Fast Kind
by pinkperson
Summary: Squidward has always taken the shortcut in life. Unfortunately, that shortcut has led to him being a loser. When he crosses the line (again) at work one day, Mr. Krabs gives him an ultimatum that could change his life's direction. The question is, will he take this chance or will he stick to his old ways?
1. Chapter 1

Squidward Tentacles was no stranger to injury. In fact, it could be said that he was close companions with injury. His familiarity with injury made it so that he would often find himself in situations where he would end up injured. Therefore, it was not unusual that he sometimes felt the urge to slap himself across the face.

Like right now.

Squidward's face stung from the resounding smack that somehow surprised him despite it having come from himself. Out of the corner of his eye, as he rubbed his stinging jaw, he noticed a family of three that was seated at a booth near the register. They were the only customers in the Krusty Krab other than a middle aged male fish who was quietly eating his food at a table in the corner. The mother and father who had been playfully teasing their toddler daughter with a dangling kelp fry just a moment ago stopped their fun to look at him, confused. Once realization had dawned on them, they turned towards each other, snorted, and exchanged a not-so-discreet high five. The little girl simply pointed at him, giggling.

Well, it could be worse, Squidward thought, eye twitching at the family's unabashed glee at his pain, the ache in his jaw briefly forgotten; at least he didn't make a small child cry for once.

Squidward's shift would be over soon, but he felt certain that he would not survive the rest of the evening. His eyes were bloodshot, his throat burned, and his head throbbed.

Worst of all, he was still alive.

Squidward wavered over the cash register, finding it increasingly difficult to keep from collapsing to the ground. He did vaguely remember at least a few customers rolling their eyes at him for practically drifting off as they were ordering their food. Hey-it was a miracle that he even made it to work without falling asleep behind the wheel.

And why was he so tired?

Well, how could he sleep when it sounded like his neighbor was slaughtering fish next door all night? In SpongeBob's book that may have been a "party", but in Squidward's...well, it was a night of screaming out the window until the cops came and asked him to keep it down. By the time the cops were done lecturing him about _keeping the peace_ and asking him why he wasn't invited to the party, he was too drained to do anything but curl into a ball in his walk-in closet. He wasn't sure who had called the cops on him, but it took all he had to keep from releasing his volcanic rage on the idiots next door. He didn't bother picking up the art supplies he'd set up neatly beside the window either.

So much for that oil painting competition...and getting any rest at all.

Honestly, Squidward had no idea why he felt pressured to slap himself awake because he cared so little for this job anyway. Besides, it was quiet in the restaurant and had been for a while as it was a slow evening. If he wanted to, he could just flip through the Interpretive Dance Quarterly he'd been trying to read earlier.

Actually, that sounded like just the thing he needed right now.

After looking around to make sure Mr. Krabs wasn't nearby, Squidward ducked down and opened the cabinets underneath his register drawer, thinking he might have placed the magazine in one of them. He swept aside rubber bands, receipt paper rolls, and napkins, but there was no trace of the magazine. His upper lip curled in annoyance as he dropped to his knees and began to scour the floor nearby, all the while trying to resist the temptation to rest his aching body on the ground and go to sleep.

The floor was calling to him. It really was.

...Although it was hard to believe he could hear its cry considering how there was garbage scattered all over it. Squidward grumbled as he kicked an empty paper cup aside, not caring that it had rolled away from underneath the cash register and was now in the customers' plain view.

Crouching even lower now, he began to brush aside the dust bunnies and old moldy burgers that were scattered across the wooden floor. Geez, did anyone clean this dump besides him and SpongeBob? Okay, he never really helped with the cleaning, but still. This was ridiculous.

Squidward's face was practically touching the floor now and it didn't take long for his eyes to drift towards the dark swirls in the rickety floorboards. On days this slow, he often took to studying even the most minute details of his environment. One of the perks of this deathly level of boredom was that he sometimes discovered stress relievers. He imagined himself gliding along the swirling lines, as though he were in a whirlpool that would take him away from this job...this life. His head grew heavy with the promises of sleep and he groaned happily as he slumped to the ground.

"Um, hello? I'm sorry, but..."

The rest of the words blurred together as Squidward's eyelids slid shut. "Mmm, 'ello," he murmured with a groggy smile. He rubbed his weary face against the cool floor and nearly teared up because of how amazing it felt. "Hello, my sweet, sweet floor..."

Magazine? What magazine? All he wanted now was a fluffy pillow. And a blanket.

Sure, the floor smelled like rotten ketchup and mold and sure, he may have to tweeze a few splinters out of his face, but it was something to lie down on and for that he was-

"Excuse me? Sir?"

Squidward's eyes widened briefly at the interruption. They slid downward just as quickly when he realized it was just the floor speaking to him again. It had such a feminine voice, too. He wondered why it was trying to interrupt his nap. Perhaps Squidward was heavy and it needed some breathing room? Well that wasn't happening. He'd already marked his territory.

"Just let me rest a minute, will you?" Squidward croaked desperately. "We can talk later...I promise…"

His body relaxed against the floor and he began to drift off. A tear slid out of the edge of his eye and down his face. But just as he was about to black out...

"Hey!"

Squidward gasped and sat up...and smacked his head against an open drawer. Hissing in pain, he doubled over and cradled his head in his tentacles for a few seconds. As he struggled to his feet, he rubbed his newly bruised head and groaned, his blurred vision slowly focusing on the irked fish who stood in front of him with her fins crossed and teeth bared.

"Talk later, my tailfin! Where do you think you are, buddy? Your bedroom?"

Sensing that she was waiting for him to say something, Squidward couldn't even muster the energy to sigh. Instead, he flipped open his notepad.

"So what'll it be?" he asked with a touch of insistence to make sure she got the point.

The fish stared at Squidward, jaw hanging open. She then shook herself into awareness and gave Squidward a quick once over before scoffing, as though she'd just seen him for the first time.

Squidward wished he could just tell her to get on with her order, but somehow he wasn't even energized enough for that.

"What'll it be?" The fish leaned forward and placed a fin on Squidward's notepad, prompting him to arch an eyebrow as it was lowered. "Well, let's see. One, you didn't greet me as I entered the establishment. Two, I had to wake you up so that you could take my order. _Three_ , you don't even apologize for being rude and wasting my time."

"And your point is?" Squidward yawned noisily. He wished he hadn't responded to her at all, so that he wouldn't be dealing with this now.

"My point is...how about you get someone else to help me because you're clearly a lowlife who wandered into this restaurant and stole the real cashier's "uniform"?"

She peered into his eyes as though she were searching for a sign of understanding. Squidward met her stare, an impish smile tugging at his lips.

It was getting harder and harder to keep a straight face when this happened.

Biting back laughter, Squidward plucked his notepad out of the fish's fin and began reciting what he liked to think of as his introductory speech to each new customer.

"Alright. Here's the 411. You're at a fast food joint, not a five star restaurant. I'm not gonna pretend that I care how your day went. If you want that, maybe you should just give mommy or daddy a call. Or better yet, seek therapy."

The fish's jaw dropped. Just as she began to respond, Squidward interjected. "Oh, let me guess. "Holy shrimp! What kind of customer service is this?""

The fish didn't respond, but he could tell from her eyes that he was close, if not right on the money.

"Well, I'll tell you what kind," Squidward said with a smirk. "It's the _fast_ kind."

He chuckled, amused by his own clever rebuttal.

Before Squidward could fully savor the moment, however, the fish snapped out of her shock, grabbed him by the throat, and pulled him over the counter. His notepad and pen fell from his tentacles to the floor with a clatter.

"Hey!" Squidward tried to peel her fins off of his throat, but she was too strong. His back arched painfully as she pulled his face up to her level.

"Listen, pal," the fish began, making Squidward gasp as she pulled him even closer to her. "I've worked in this wretched business, too, and normally I can sympathize with the poor guy behind the register. You, on the other hand, are a bonafide meanie and I have never in my life experienced such a disturbing lack of empathy."

Squidward felt a sharp jolt of pain in his lower back and he found that he was alarmingly close to fainting on the spot. He would have shuddered at the thought of landing face first onto the fish's chest if he wasn't too weak to even do that much. Instead, Squidward patted the fish's fins with a shaky tentacle. "T-That's great and all, but...y-you think you can not...fracture my spine?"

The fish grudgingly loosened her grip, allowing Squidward to breathe, lean back and adjust his shirt. She shook her head in disbelief.

"Curse you...and curse that beautiful billboard for luring me to this fiery pit of evil."

Squidward stretched his aching back, watching numbly as the fish began ranting about how she had no idea why this restaurant was so famous and how she'd never come back. Most Krusty Krab customers were like her, so he wondered how every one of them managed to be uniquely irritating.

Realizing that she still hadn't ordered yet, Squidward picked his notepad and pen up off the floor. He then cleared his throat and she looked up at him and scowled.

Tapping the notepad with his pen, he said, "Your order?"

She stared at him, her jaw hanging open. "Sweet Neptune..." She laughed darkly as she looked towards the other customers for support. "You see this guy?"

While the man who sat alone kept his back to them, the parents who were now gathering their child and belongings and sliding out of their seats only shrugged at her sympathetically. But, dim though it was, a glint of amusement still shone in their eyes, Squidward was annoyed to note.

Squidward clamped his eyes shut, trying to control himself. He didn't want to take her insults lying down, but he also didn't want a verbal flaying courtesy of Mr. Krabs.

The fish pulled up her left arm sleeve and looked at her watch. Her eyebrows furrowed. Then, not even caring to look at Squidward as she spoke to him, she muttered, "Okay, whatever. It's not even worth it."

Squidward opened just one eye, peeking at her tensely. He was beginning to feel like he might just start screaming...or at least tell the fish to just take her money and go give the Chum Bucket some business.

But it was becoming more and more apparent that there was no escape from idiots like this.

"Just get me a number two for here," the fish said. "No pickles. Diet Dr. Kelp. And I'm in a hurry, so tell him to make it fast." Although the flames in her eyes had momentarily been extinguished, her words were punctuated with silent threats.

Squidward scribbled down the order, gritting his teeth as he suppressed his irritation. They were always _in a hurry_ , weren't they? He tossed the paper slip to the window behind him and Spongebob, as always, caught it with a dance in his step and a "Comin' right up!".

After the order rang through and Squidward had handed the fish her change, she still stood waiting in front of the register and it took him a few seconds to realize why. His eyes nearly rolled into the back of his head as he turned towards the window to the kitchen.

"And can you make it fast, _please_?"

The words dripped with a syrupy sweetness that Squidward didn't know he was even capable of emitting. The fish simply smirked when he returned to his position, before finally stalking off to a table where she waited for her order.

It was then that Squidward realized that Spongebob had been abnormally quiet up until that point.

His eyes widened. What was going on in the kitchen? He muttered curses under his breath as he decided to check out the situation, despite Mr. Krabs ordering him to watch over the register even if he was bleeding out on the floor.

And, unsurprisingly, the kitchen was a disaster. The putrid aroma of charred hamburger meat, mold, and dishwasher fluid made Squidward gag and pinch his nose. As he absorbed his surroundings through squinting eyes, he saw dried up ketchup and mustard stains on the walls, meat crumbs scattered across the tile floor, and mysterious sludgy spills he didn't even want to know the details of.

In the midst of all this was SpongeBob, humming giddily as he flipped a patty over the grill.

Squidward felt an overwhelming urge to join the patty. He would be more than happy to allow the scorching heat to cook him to a crisp. Anything would do, really.

As long as it helped him escape this fiery pit of evil.


	2. Chapter 2

SpongeBob smiled in Squidward's direction once he realized he was being watched and trotted over, still humming. At the back of his mind, Squidward noted that the sponge's smile was a little lopsided, more tired than usual.

"Howdy, neighbor! Did ya come to see how I was doing?" SpongeBob's crooked smile widened as they made eye contact, and Squidward cringed. As always, he couldn't understand how the sponge could remain optimistic while working a minimum wage job.

Squidward slumped against the windowsill.

"SpongeBob," he began, "in all the years that we've worked here, have I _ever_ come to see how you were doing?"

SpongeBob tapped a finger against his chin thoughtfully. "Huh...now that you mention it, I don't think you have, Squidward."

"I haven't," Squidward ground out. "And do you know why?"

SpongeBob shook his head.

"Besides the fact that I don't care and I can't stand you, I'm just too busy getting verbally abused by obese nimrods who can't afford healthy food. _That's_ why."

"If you don't like it, maybe you could work in the back with me for a bit," SpongeBob said, eyes hopeful.

"You see that?" Squidward threw his tentacles in the air in exasperation. "This is why we will never get along. It's like you can't comprehend half the things I say." He shook his head dazedly. "I should be raking in the dough, considering the pain I willingly put myself through every day. Instead, I can barely buy enough groceries to..." Squidward stopped, but it was too late.

"Squidward," SpongeBob admonished, wagging a finger at the octopus. "I was wondering why you've been looking so skinny. You can't just let yourself starve like that..."

Squidward glared at SpongeBob, suddenly angry again. "Well, blame Krabs, alright? He's been even greedier than usual lately." He paused, remembering SpongeBob's tired smile. "Besides, you don't look so pretty either. But then again," his mood soured as he remembered more. "it must be stressful keeping the entire neighborhood up all night."

Spongebob turned around briefly to drop the patty he'd just cooked onto a bun sitting on a plate next to the grill. Squidward's nose twitched at the smell and he turned away, scowling.

SpongeBob faced him again, eyes softening as he patted the grill behind him, "Just wait for me when we're off and I'll make you something extra special, Squid. Or, better yet, come with me to my place after work and I'll fix you a signature SpongeBob SquarePants dinner."

Squidward cringed. A signature SpongeBob SquarePants dinner? He didn't even want to imagine what that might entail. Images of cake and ice cream being served for dinner floated in his mind. Although, now that he thought about it, that didn't sound too bad. What do sponges eat anyway? Algae? Blocks of cheese-like food? Or maybe…

 _SpongeBob grunted beneath the weight of a massive plate topped with about twenty krabby patties. Squidward was sitting at the dining room table, fork and knife in his tentacles as he drooled at the sight. The plate fell onto the table, shaking it with its weight. SpongeBob bent over, heaving breaths as he winked at Squidward. "Here you go, Squid! Just the way you like 'em...and I made them with my special ingredient too!"_

" _What's that?" Imaginary Squidward asked, licking his lips._

 _SpongeBob fluttered his eyelashes at him suggestively. "Love," he said._

The dream disintegrated as Squidward shuddered at the way SpongeBob had looked at him in it. He couldn't think of anything creepier than being adored by a sponge. I mean, wasn't he practically a plant with eyeballs?

Furthermore, how could a creature be so annoying that it literally made dreams disintegrate?

Squidward crossed his tentacles, warily surveying a shredded slab of meat that hung over the counter next to SpongeBob.

"Well, let's just say I'm glad I've never accepted any invitations to eat at your place." Squidward grimaced as a sliver of the meat fell to the floor with a splat. "I don't want to know how often that happens...here or there."

Squidward felt bile rise up his throat as a realization hit him. He scratched the back of his head nervously.

"Um...this doesn't happen a lot...hopefully?"

SpongeBob chuckled as he picked up the meat from the floor and placed it back on the counter. "I know what you're thinking, Squid, but don't worry. I only give people floor patties if Mr. Krabs says so. Or if they're really mean to you." SpongeBob paused. "Okay, so I guess that means I give them to almost everyone. But I don't give them to _you_ , Squid! I make them _extra_ special for you since I know how much you-"

"Sh-Shut your mouth, you idiot!" Squidward cut him off, reddening. He looked anxiously over his shoulder to see if anyone had heard. "Seriously, do you not know the meaning of respecting someone's...uh...secrets?"

SpongeBob shrugged. "I'm sorry, Squid."

It was true, though. Squidward would happily eat a krabby patty out of the dumpster behind the Krusty Krab if he was hungry enough. He knew this because he had done so on more than one occasion.

Not that he'd ever let anyone know.

"Okay, well, I feel like I have to ask if you've even cleaned your house after last night," Squidward said, eager to change the subject. "I bet it's a total pigsty. With punch bowls, and punch, and cone hats, and...uh…other party stuff all over the place!"

He felt his temper return with a vengeance at the reminder of what had spoiled his day in the first place.

"Well, you're always welcome to help me clean, Squidward," SpongeBob said kindly. Then, beaming, he said, "Gosh, I've always dreamed of the moment that you'd step into my house and annoy me the way that I annoy you."

"And I've always dreamed of the moment that you disappeared forever," Squidward said under his breath.

"By the way," SpongeBob said, "I've been wondering and I haven't gotten to ask. How's your painting going?"

Squidward shot SpongeBob a look that made him wince. Then he rubbed a tentacle against his forehead, and sighed.

"It isn't going anywhere, thanks to you. The only thing that keeps me from throwing myself out of the ocean and into a seagull's mouth is the promise of putting my feelings onto paper. But as you can see, if I did that now it would just be a bunch of sailor words."

"You're competing in the same oil painting competition, right?"

"Yup," Squidward said shortly. "And I'm gonna pretend that it isn't terrifying that you know so much about me."

He honestly didn't know how SpongeBob knew about it. Unless…

He'd told SpongeBob about it or something.

He thought it over for a moment and realized that he probably did. Fish paste.

He hated when he did that.

Squidward realized that SpongeBob was watching him, and he felt his muscles tense. Speaking of terrifying, how long had the sponge's eyes been on him?

"Well," SpongeBob finally said. "I like getting to know you, Squidward."

Squidward blinked, not expecting that. "What? What do you mean?"

SpongeBob only smiled, not saying anything. He didn't have to because Squidward could tell from the way that he looked at him.

Squidward tried to scowl in order to keep himself from smiling. Deep down it made him happy to hear such a thing, even if it was from SpongeBob. Even though SpongeBob probably liked everyone and everything, including worm dung on the bottom of his shoes.

That was why he was unable to keep himself from babbling like an idiot.

"Wh-why would you like it? I mean, of course you'd like it. Who wouldn't? I'm an interesting guy, aren't I?"

SpongeBob nodded excitedly. "You are, Squid! And do you want to know why I like getting to know you?"

Squidward nodded.

"Because you're like a mystery, Squidward," SpongeBob said, eyes softening. "I learn something new every day."

Squidward crossed his arms and looked away. His body was trembling uncontrollably with his happiness. No way would he let the sponge see the appreciation in his eyes, too.

"Remember when you were homeless?" SpongeBob asked, suddenly.

Squidward blinked and scowled, his trembling subsiding. "Yes, I remember. Why?" he asked edgily.

"Sorry. I know it's a touchy subject," SpongeBob said hastily. "It's just...I always look back on that time as being when I got to see a new side of you. I mean, you looked so small and vulnerable in that cardboard box. I saw other people throw crumpled up trash at you and point at you and laugh, but all I could think was how proud I was of you for going through all of that and not giving up."

"Oh...well, yeah, I-I guess I don't. Give up, I mean", Squidward said, relaxing a little.

"And I also felt so proud of you because you overcame your fear of cardboard boxes," SpongeBob continued.

Squidward blinked at this, uncomprehending.

"Didn't you say you were claus-claustro...claustrophobic or something like that?"

"Oh. Well, yeah..."

"But then there are other things, too. I keep thinking you've moved on from the trauma of being homeless, but I need to realize that some things are hard to forget," SpongeBob said, voice cracking with emotion. "I just wish I didn't feel so bad-"

" _SpongeBob_ ," Squidward interrupted harshly. The sponge's eyes widened as he jerked in fright at the sharp tone. Squidward shut his eyes to calm himself and tried again. "SpongeBob...please. I get it. Just stop."

SpongeBob looked at him a moment before nodding like a bobble head and then sniffing noisily. Squidward fought the urge to cringe. Perhaps SpongeBob's words had touched him more than he let on if he could resist that much.

They fell into a silence then.

During the silence, SpongeBob shut his eyes, stretched his arms up towards the ceiling and yawned. In the middle of his yawn, his eyes popped open and his face contorted into a silent scream.

"Uh...SpongeBob?" Squidward began, confused. "What-"

Before he could finish, SpongeBob spun around and slapped a slice of cheese, onions, tomatoes, lettuce, mayonnaise, ketchup and mustard onto the unfinished hamburger he'd left on the plate. He somehow remembered that the customer didn't want pickles without having to check. He prepared the fries and Diet Dr. Kelp within seconds as well.

Once the meal was finished, and to Squidward's dismay it barely looked any sloppier than even SpongeBob's most passionately crafted creations, it was handed to the octopus on a tray. The fry cook grinned at Squidward.

"Here ya go, Squid. Don't you trip and fall now."

Squidward took the tray from his hands and handed it to the fish who he was expecting further drama from. She was standing in front of the register with her fins crossed again, as though she'd been waiting there for at least a few minutes. To his surprise, she simply pursed her lips and snatched the tray from him before hurrying back to her table.

Once that was over, Squidward turned back to the window and saw SpongeBob's eyelids slowly slide downward as his head lolled forward. Was this really happening right now?

He leaned over and snapped his tentacles in the sponge's face.

SpongeBob flinched and jerked into awareness, eyes wandering aimlessly. **"** Wh-what what's going-"

"You're falling asleep, you numbskull!" Squidward shook his head in disbelief as he looked down on the sponge who was rubbing his eyes. "And after you kept me up all night, too. Do you feel no shame?"

"Oh, Squidward, I'm sorry." Spongebob said, and he laughed. Squidward's eardrums ripped to shreds instantly. "It's just…I'm kinda pooped, too, I guess. That party was ca-raaaazy. I mean, can you believe that Patrick brought buckets of ice cream from Goofy Goober's?"

"Yeah, I couldn't care less. Are you even listening to me?" Squidward narrowed his eyes at the innocent face that smiled back at him.

SpongeBob stuck his lower lip out. "I know what you're thinking. That I'm a big baby, right? That I'm a weenie?"

Squidward stared hard enough to burn even more holes into SpongeBob's face. There really was no getting through to the freak. "You have _no_ idea," he ground out.

"All I'm trying to say is...that ice cream was really good! It's just like that drink you say you like so much, Squid. Didn't you tell me it makes you feel woozy and you start to feel like you're happy? And then you see stars before you fall blissfully asleep? Or something like that?"

Squidward blinked, unsure of when he'd told SpongeBob about any of this."Um...sure," he said uncertainly.

"Well, guess what?" SpongeBob said loudly, snapping his fingers in Squidward's face this time. "I ate so much that I practically forgot who I was and had to be dragged around the rest of the night. But it wasn't just me. Everyone was totally knocked out from the stuff." SpongeBob's eyes glittered mischievously for a moment. "And you know what else? This sponge became a true man last night. This time for real! If you really wanna know, Sandy and I came _this_ close to-"

Squidward shoved a tentacle against SpongeBob's mouth, cutting him off.

"Yeah, you can stop right there." Squidward really didn't want to imagine SpongeBob canoodling with any creature...much less Sandy. How would that even work? Maybe it was best if he didn't know.

SpongeBob gently pried Squidward's tentacle off of his mouth.

"Anyway, people did ask about you, Squid."

This caught Squidward's attention and he looked at SpongeBob cautiously. "As in, asking if I'm still alive?" That made sense as he was only ever at home or at work.

"No, they were wondering why you never come." SpongeBob's eyes wavered instead of maintaining contact with Squidward's.

"Do they not have anything better to do than to worry about other people's social lives?" Squidward asked a little nervously. He hated being questioned like this.

"Don't worry, Squid," SpongeBob said. "I tell them you're just busy with your art." And SpongeBob shot him that disarming look of unconditional kindness.

"How...how very kind of you." Squidward felt that familiar heat wash over his face and he wished, not for the first time, that he could just kill SpongeBob once and for all so that he'd never have to endure moments like this ever again.

And it was moments like this that made him wonder if SpongeBob really wasn't as stupid as he looked after all.

SpongeBob didn't say anything for a while as he did that eerie thing where he just stared at Squidward again. Squidward didn't even care, though, because he was thankful that the sponge had finished yapping.

"Actually, it's pretty funny," SpongeBob began, making Squidward groan hoarsely. "Larry suggested that one of us go to your house and give you some ice cream. He said it might convince you to live a little...have some fun. It's such a funny idea, don't you think? As if we'd have to do that!"

The sponge smiled at him warmly, the corners of his bright blue eyes crinkling.

"Oh, yeah," Squidward ground out, his tentacles crossed across his chest, perhaps to keep himself from reaching over and choking the sponge. "I'm about to _soil_ myself, I'm laughing so-"

"What are you doing, Mr. Squidward! Didn't I tell you to watch over Cashy AT ALL TIMES?!"

It was at that moment that Squidward could have sworn he felt a pair of feathery appendages sprout from his back as a couple of fat harp-playing angel babies beckoned him through heaven's white gates.

In other words, he almost pooped himself.

Squidward shut his eyes and counted to ten before he felt like he could turn around to face his irate boss. As for the woman from earlier who was eating nearby – and who was still in a hurry – she had jerked forward at the crab's shrill voice, spilling her drink on her shirt before turning towards them, scowling. She then got up and stomped out, burger, fries, and soda in hand, without even clearing her tray from the table. The quiet man in the corner looked in their direction briefly before returning to his meal.

"Mr. Krabs, you nearly gave me a heart attack." Squidward glared at the crab. "I didn't even hear you come up..." His crimson eyes narrowed into slits. "Okay, how long have you been listening to us, you dirty sneak?"

Mr. Krabs puffed his chest out and grinned. "The entire time. It's actually one of the perks that come with being the boss – all the illegal stuff you can get away with!" His grin faded quickly, though, as he leaned over the counter and jabbed a claw into Squidward's narrow chest, making the octopus wince.

"And I'll give ya a thousand more heart attacks if it'll keep you doing your job instead of chattin' it up with Spongebob over there! How many flippin' times do I gotta tell ya to keep an eye on Cashy, Squidward? Do I gotta glue your eyes to the register? Cause I will. I got a glue gun in my pocket in case it comes down to it."

Mr. Krabs reached down and stroked his bulging pocket menacingly.

"Oh, you better go ahead then," Squidward said. "Cause our only customer's just dying to get his fins on the thirty three dollars you've earned today."

Mr. Krabs ignored the sarcastic response and turned towards SpongeBob who was looking tense while watching their heated exchange. He beamed at the fry cook.

"SpongeBob, my boy! I know I'm being a cranky ol' geezer right now, but I nearly forgot my age last night. I still can't believe I did the limbo...even though I was stuck like that the rest of the night...and Bubble Bass sat on me cause he thought I was a chair. But playing "Spin the bottle" completely made up for it! I always wanted to play that as a lad, but I was just too much of a dweeb."

"Shocker," Squidward muttered.

Mr. Krabs turned to Squidward, all evidence of his irritation now gone, and said, "You should've been there, Squidward! I got to kiss Mrs. Puff again after such a long time! And not just her..."

Mr. Krabs then began to recount the many women – and men - he'd kissed at the party. And there were a lot. He pulled out and unfolded a long, wrinkled paper slip from his pocket because he couldn't remember them all.

"This lucky crab won't be washing his face for at least a couple more days. Can you believe I used to raid women's panty drawers just...uh...um...a few...weeks...ago?" The crab laughed nervously as he hastily shoved the paper slip back into his pocket. "Actually, I never did that. Forget I said that."

"Um...Mr. Krabs," SpongeBob said timidly. "Maybe I'm wrong, but weren't you the only one playing spin the bottle?"

"What?" Mr. Krabs's eyes widened.

"Yeah..." SpongeBob's face creased with concentration. "I remember you sitting in the middle of the living room with an empty bottle, spinning it around over and over again. You were laughing a lot and then every time the bottle pointed at someone you ran across the room and kissed them. So people grabbed you to make you stop and Bubble Bass sat on you to keep you from getting away." SpongeBob's face darkened. "Mrs. Puff was pretty upset," he said, with a hint of admonishment.

Mr. Krabs's face fell and he laughed nervously before hanging his head. "O-Oh...guess I ate a lot of that ice cream, huh? Boy, that goofy goober sure hits the spot!"

"Actually...no, you didn't," SpongeBob said.

Squidward shivered and covered his face with his tentacles. "As if this day wasn't awful enough, you just had to plant all those images into my mind. What is wrong with you? Both of you? Actually, what's wrong with me? Why am I still here!?"

Also, wasn't it a sign of mental instability when someone went around kissing so many people like that? It was no surprise if the crab was crazy, though. Squidward recalled a time when he'd snuck off to the restroom during a slow period and Mr. Krabs had barged into the restroom and told him that he wouldn't let him use the toilet until there wasn't a single customer in the restaurant and not a single person was within five hundred feet of the Krusty Krab. Squidward had actually been so frightened by the surprise confrontation that he'd peed all over the floor and was then forced to clean that up while Mr. Krabs took over the register for him.

And docked money from his paycheck.

Squidward snapped out of this flashback when Mr. Krabs's eye stalks leaned towards him, making his eyes widen as he stepped backward instinctively.

"What the-"

"Squidward, you look like a wreck," the crab stated matter of factly, his eyes retracting. "Did something happen last night? You're not depressed, are you? Wait, that's a stupid question."

"I don't want to talk about it," Squidward snapped bitterly.

"You never do want to talk about it, lad. What's the matter with you? You might as well work at the chum bucket with that attitude."

"Well, I guess I've just worked here too long. And it's becoming clear that I have no chance of escaping it."

"And we'll never let you," SpongeBob piped up, winking at Mr. Krabs. "Right, Mr. K?"

Mr. Krabs returned the sponge's wink. "Right!" The crab then turned to Squidward. "You know why, Squidward?"

"Because you're both _evil as sin_?"

"No, because we're a team. Y'know I still got your job application from a few years ago on file. And do you remember what you put under your skills?"

Squidward sighed, rubbing a tentacle across his face. "I don't know. Slave labor?"

"Well, no, actually. You didn't put anything. But I hired you anyway. And do you know why, Squidward?"

"Because you're an idiot?"

"Because I believed in you, lad," Mr. Krabs said, shaking his head. "Think of it this way. It's the same reason why you keep competing in those snooty art contests even though you never win. It's because you believe in yourself, right?"

 _I bet he wouldn't take too kindly to a lecture on his greediness, the hypocrite._

Squidward stopped rubbing his face and glared at his boss. "You do realize that you're doing exactly what you just got mad at me for doing, right? Now why don't you go back to figuring out how much to withhold from our next paychecks."

Mr. Krabs's eyes widened and he shoved Squidward aside, making him stumble over his tentacles and fall onto the floor. "You don't have to tell me twice!"

And with that, Mr. Krabs laughed as he scurried away on his stubby legs, leaving Squidward to stagger to his feet and grumble under his breath. "Fun time's over now," Mr. Krabs yelled. "We're gonna have to close soon, so get back to work!"

Once the crab was gone and SpongeBob had ducked back into the kitchen, Squidward became increasingly aware of the stare from the only customer in the restaurant, the fish who had just finished his meal.

"Do you _mind_?" Squidward snapped at him, his voice an octave too high. The fish averted his eyes, picked up his tray, and dumped his trash into the nearest garbage can. He walked out of the restaurant without a word.

Squidward sighed, as he rubbed a tentacle against his forehead. This migraine was killing him and it wasn't even close to midnight yet. Closing shifts were the worst; it felt like they'd never end.


	3. Chapter 3

Squidward's shift did eventually end, though. The final customer of the night exited a few minutes later than they were scheduled to close, but they did leave and for that Squidward was eternally grateful. As soon as they were out the door, he had practically run into the break room, ripped his locker door off of its hinges, and snatched his keys from inside it.

But just as he had stepped foot out the front door and felt a cool breeze caress his face, he stopped.

He wanted to believe that SpongeBob could handle cleaning everything up all by himself, but he knew that he couldn't. He could imagine all the frying pans, spatulas, patties, and condiments still being out of place and he knew when that happened pay was docked off both of their paychecks.

Squidward tightened his tentacles into trembling fists and bit back a scream of frustration.

He just wanted to go home. He needed some time to himself, so that he could recuperate from the horrible day he'd had. He also knew Snelly would be waiting for him hungry and lonely. He hadn't fed her since the previous night.

Which was why he wished he could just forget what SpongeBob had said to him earlier.

Squidward's face softened as he remembered how SpongeBob had looked at him when he'd said that he likes getting to know him. And he even said he admires him. Squidward would never admit it, but it took all he had to keep from reaching over and hugging the sponge afterward. It just felt so good to-

"Squid?"

Squidward gasped as he snapped out of his thoughts. He turned around and was greeted by SpongeBob's head peering out at him from the window to the kitchen. The sponge smiled tiredly as he jumped down from the window to the ground behind the cash register.

"Sorry," SpongeBob said. "Didn't mean to scare ya." He then pointed his thumb towards the kitchen. "You think you can help me break down the fryer? We should hurry up and get the tough stuff done first so we can call it a night."

Squidward paled, cornered by SpongeBob's proposal. How could he say no when the sponge was standing here right in front of him? He wanted to punch himself for not simply walking out like he'd originally planned. The thought of staying in this restaurant for another hour or so made him want to collapse and weep into his tentacles.

"Um...okay," Squidward whispered reluctantly, hoping SpongeBob would tell him that he didn't need his help after all.

"Squidward? What's wrong?" SpongeBob trotted over to his side and placed a gentle hand on his back. "I promise I'll keep it down. I meant it when I said I'm tired too."

Squidward bit his lip, staring blankly at the floorboards below them. The truth was, he wished he could let the dam within him burst and pour all of his feelings out and into the open. It felt good to open up to others. He'd done it before and it always felt good.

The real problem was keeping that dam open and not letting it close back up again.

"Oh, I know what will cheer you up!" SpongeBob said as he backtracked to the area behind the cash register. He bent over to pull something out and walked back over to Squidward. "I saw this in the space by your register the other day. I bet you were looking for it, weren't you?"

Squidward looked up hesitantly, not sure what to expect.

SpongeBob held out Interpretive Dance Quarterly's latest issue. The one he'd been looking for hours ago.

Scrawled across the cover in thick black ink were the words "Back to Work!"

"Sorry I didn't tell you earlier, Squid. Honestly, I like it when you talk to me so I was kind of hoping you wouldn't find it..."

Squidward looked away unable to even muster his usual anger towards his selfish boss. He just felt too tired. Too weak.

Besides, this wasn't a big deal in the grand scheme of things. It wasn't as if Mr. Krabs...scribbled…across every...

Squidward perked at this and snatched the magazine out of SpongeBob's hands. He then flipped rapidly through the pages. Sure enough, every page's contents were scribbled out and the photos of graceful and muscular dancers now looked silly with oversized mustaches drawn on their faces.

Squidward trembled violently before throwing the magazine across the room as hard as he could, not even relishing SpongeBob's flinching at the sudden movement.

It was at that moment that he fully realized the position he was in right now. He was standing in front of SpongeBob, head hanging pathetically, pride shattered…

"S-Sorry if it upset you, Squid," SpongeBob stammered. "I just thought you might still want it back..."

Squidward shook his head, staring through the sponge and not at him. He couldn't take it anymore. How much humiliation did he have to endure in one day? He couldn't stand SpongeBob seeing him like this. Seeing him as below him.

Squidward pursed his lips and shoved past SpongeBob, actually pushing him aside instead of walking around him. He then walked straight towards the glass entrance doors and shoved them open so hard that they nearly broke off their hinges. Squidward hastened his pace when he heard SpongeBob call out his name and utter what may have been another apology.

Apology?

Ha.

He couldn't think of anything more worthless.


	4. Chapter 4

SpongeBob scrubbed ferociously at the cold hard tile, his teeth gritted. He stopped for a second and inspected his work.

The ketchup stain had somehow hardened into a marble like texture and had barely budged. SpongeBob had been working on it for a good ten minutes and as his eyes darted to the clock on the wall, he groaned.

He was behind schedule.

There was a knock on the kitchen door and SpongeBob's eyes widened. He looked around and saw that the kitchen was barely any cleaner than it had been the last time Mr. Krabs had checked in on him.

"SpongeBob? How's it going in there?"

"Um...it's going great Mr. Krabs! I'm...I'm almost done!" SpongeBob felt his nerves jangle at the thought of his manager seeing the condition of the kitchen.

"Is it okay if I come in?"

SpongeBob's eye twitched. "Um...I'm...I'm not ready yet, Mr. Krabs."

The door opened and Mr. Krabs walked in, his mouth immediately set in a grim line. His large eyes darted from the grease stained walls to the meat covered counters and finally to the condiment and soda-stained tile.

SpongeBob smiled nervously.

Mr. Krabs sighed and shook his head. "Y'know, I keep hoping that those little talks Squidward likes to have with you when he should be working would at least teach him some responsibility."

"It's not his fault, Mr. Krabs," SpongeBob said. "I'm sure Squidward had a good reason for-"

"Good reason?!" Mr. Krabs snapped, banging a claw against a counter. SpongeBob cringed at the outburst. Mr. Krabs calmed down at the sight of his perturbed employee. "Sorry, lad. I just don't see what good reason that nincompoop can have to walk out and not even explain why he can't close. This is the third time this month!"

SpongeBob pursed his lips and didn't say anything. He was trying not to get angry, but hearing Mr. Krabs say that did start a spark of annoyance in his heart.

He thought back to what he'd said to Squidward. He'd said he admired him for his perseverance especially when he'd been homeless. But now that he thought about it, hadn't Squidward started getting lazy as soon as he was given a chance? SpongeBob had actually waited on him hand and foot until he forced Mr. Krabs to hire him again.

Mr. Krabs shook his head. "SpongeBob, you're working too slowly and we still got a couple of hours until the night janitors get here. I tried calling and asking if they wanted to come earlier, but they said no." Mr. Krabs scowled. "I guess all I can do now is call Squidward and try to change his mind. But don't get your hopes up. You know how he is."

SpongeBob frowned. "Yeah. I...I know."

Mr. Krabs walked out of the kitchen and the door shut with a slam behind him.

SpongeBob stared blankly at the ketchup stain as tears welled up in his eyes. He understood Squidward had a bad day and didn't want to be here any longer than he needed to, but it was like he thought SpongeBob didn't have feelings or something. He had to work the very next day in the morning! As much as he loved working at the Krusty Krab, he did need his sleep.

SpongeBob forced a smile as his tired eyes darted to the wall clock again. "I'm a goofy goober, yeah...you're a goofy goober, yeah..." He sang quietly, his voice wobbly. "We're all goofy goobers, yeah."

When all else failed, music helped to make him feel better. He needed it too.

It felt like this night was never going to end.


	5. Chapter 5

The contentment that had washed over Squidward lasted until he entered his home. As soon as he set foot inside and cautiously locked the door behind him, his body tensed.

Something didn't feel right.

Ignoring Snelly's relieved meow as she slid up to him, Squidward turned on a light and looked around, holding his breath.

There was no one in his house, or at least it didn't look like there was. His heart was hammering in his chest, but he tried not to let Snelly know that he was scared.

Smiling shakily down at his snail, Squidward lowered himself to her level and pressed a tentacle against the back of her shell. Snelly closed her eyes and purred. Squidward still felt wary, though, as he kept his eyes on his surroundings.

SpongeBob couldn't have been in his house if he'd been at work all day, could he? Then again, there had been at least a couple of occasions where he'd believed SpongeBob had been somewhere else, yet he'd popped up from behind his bed and practically sent him to the ER.

Squidward shook his head, trying to rid himself of this eerie sensation. It really did feel like he was never away from the sponge.

He walked into the kitchen and saw Snelly's bowl was completely empty. His chest clenched guiltily as he opened a cabinet and poured a box of Snail Po into the bowl. Snelly practically shoved her face into the bowl, making Squidward chuckle. The action actually hurt a little. His face wasn't used to smiling, much less laughing.

"I missed you, Snelly."

Snelly purred as she finished the last bite of food in her bowl and then licked the bowl itself.

Squidward rubbed the back of her head for a few seconds when he heard the phone ring. He gasped at the silence shattering sound and placed a tentacle over his chest.

"Seriously!" He snapped.

Was it normal to be this scared on a regular basis or was he developing severe anxiety issues?

Also, who could be calling at this-

His eyes narrowed. Mr. Krabs.

Squidward snarled as he stalked over to the phone and lifted it off the cradle. He dangled it over the cradle for a few seconds, smiling maliciously as he heard Mr. Krabs' grumbling on the other end. As soon as the crab paused his tirade and then asked if he was there, Squidward dropped the phone onto the receiver and unplugged it from the outlet.

Deep down he knew he was going to regret this in some way. The crab would probably have him meet him in his office and suggest that he go to therapy or something. Which had been suggested to him at least a few times and Squidward would only nod and say "Okay, yeah, sure" until his employer finally let him go. It was beyond him why there couldn't be someone to replace him, but at the same time he knew he couldn't afford to quit anyway.

It was a horrible life.

Squidward's stomach growled and it was only then that he realized how hungry he was. He hadn't had a break since the beginning of his shift because Mr. Krabs was nowhere to be seen for the vast majority of the day. Of course, he probably stayed away on purpose, the greedy rat.

Squidward cursed at himself inwardly as he remembered that he had left a bag of fresh krabby patties in his locker in the break room. He had forgotten them in his hurry to leave and get away from SpongeBob.

Squidward went back into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator to see something that was nearly as heavenly, though.

A grease-stained bag of krabby patties sat wrinkled and worn in the middle of his refrigerator. Squidward snatched it off the shelf so fast that the bag tore deeply and nearly flung its contents all over the floor.

Not that that would make them any less appealing.

Squidward didn't even wait to get to the dining room. Instead he dumped the bag onto the counter next to the sink and ripped open the wrapper of the closest krabby patty. He shoved the cold burger into his mouth and actually teared up as the flavors hit him.

He then proceeded to devour the four remaining krabby patties, not even enjoying their taste as they slid down his throat only partially chewed.

Once he was finished, he realized his snail was watching him from the corner of the doorway to the kitchen.

Squidward smiled through his tears and wiped his tentacles across his eyes. "I-It's okay Snelly. I'm not sad. I'm just...happy to finally feel good."

It was such a stupid thing to say. Normally, he'd be ashamed for talking like that, but since it was just him and Snelly, it was okay.

Or maybe he did need therapy after all.

Snelly tilted her head in confusion, but she slid in tentatively watching him carefully.

The truth was Squidward still felt hungry. He had to admit that was a little embarrassing even in front of his snail. After all, he'd just annihilated three meals worth of food.

Squidward turned back to the refrigerator and placed a tentacle on the freezer handle. He could feel Snelly's disapproving eyes boring into the back of his skull. Ignoring them, he opened the freezer door and looked inside.

His freezer was mostly empty much like his refrigerator. There were only ice cube trays and a few frozen meals sitting to the side.

There was something different this time, though.

An unfamiliar carton sat in the middle of the freezer. Squidward frowned, trying to remember if he'd seen that the last time he'd looked inside. He couldn't seem to recall it.

He reached in and took the carton out and realized that it was ice cream, something he rarely bought. Squidward hated junk food outside of krabby patties. He even hated himself for loving krabby patties because they interfered with his attempts to obtain a svelte dancer's physique.

His eyes widened as something hit him.

" _I mean can you believe that Patrick bought buckets of ice cream from Goofy Goober's?"_

Squidward dropped the ice cream onto the counter and covered his face with his tentacles.

SpongeBob had been in his house. Again. Either that or he'd had someone enter his house and put this ice cream in his freezer.

His chest ached with all the stress he had felt that day. And now he was angry all over again. Squidward placed a tentacle on the edge of a counter to support him as he slid to the floor and then laid down on his side.

He laid there whimpering and eventually Snelly slid to his side and nudged his face gently with an eyeball.

Squidward didn't care, though. All he could wonder was why no one could leave him alone. Why people couldn't bother to respect his privacy. Why they just didn't listen.

It was infuriating, honestly.

I mean, it was like everyone expected so much from him, yet they couldn't be bothered to return the favor.

But at the same time...

Squidward rolled over onto his back and saw the curved side of the ice cream carton.

Ice cream did sound good.

He stood up and looked at the ice cream for a few seconds. The carton was brightly colored pink and peach. There was an obnoxious peanut standing beside the logo with a stupid smile and a red and white spotted bow tie. Squidward cringed at the sight of the character. He was beginning to hate anything that smiled.

Underneath the label it said the ice cream's flavor was "cotton candy".

He pulled the lid off of the container and examined the ice cream. It was light blue. He took a spoon out of his silverware drawer and dipped it into the ice cream and tasted it.

Squidward paused for a second. The taste was strange. He had never tasted cotton candy before so he had no idea what to expect. He did prepare for it to be sickeningly sweet, but somehow it wasn't as bad as he thought it would be.

He dipped his spoon in it again and felt a stronger feeling of appreciation for the taste. And also, he felt more eager to eat more.

It was like his body was warming up as he ate more and more of the ice cream. Squidward didn't care how he looked as he shoveled spoonful after spoonful of the dessert into his mouth.

After all, he was hungry and it didn't taste bad.


	6. Chapter 6

_It was a busy day in Bikini Bottom. Fish scrambled around one another to get to their destination quickly. There was a carnival going on and everyone wanted to let loose on this sweltering day._

 _Squidward watched as children tugged on their parents' fins or tentacles, jumping up and down, begging them to buy them cotton candy. The parents would sometimes nod and say "okay, just wait until we get there." Other times they would ignore the child and continue talking amongst each other._

 _Squidward couldn't really process what was happening. He knew there was a carnival, yes, but he couldn't understand why people were anticipating it. He didn't understand what the big deal was._

 _Then again, what did he know? He lived in a box._

 _Squidward's tentacles shook as he wrapped the small jacket around himself. It was moist and musty with sweat and grime, but it was at least somewhat helpful in keeping the rain from hitting him as he slept._

 _The jacket had been tossed to him by a passerby, someone who didn't even stop to hand it to him. But Squidward didn't care. He had thanked the fish profusely, his tentacles shaking as they snatched the dirty gift from the floor. He couldn't help but wonder later on if the fish had seen him before and planned on giving this to him._

 _It was getting dark outside now, and fewer residents were passing by the alley in which Squidward slept. When he first picked out his sleeping place, it was intimidating and he had a difficult time sleeping. Over time, he felt a little safer because no one really bothered him. It seemed more like he was safer than he would have been had he not been homeless. People tended to stay away from him._

 _Squidward looked up at the sky, his lips twitching into a weak smile. The stars were surprisingly bright despite the lights that were on in the city. He felt a pull from them, felt a connection with the sky that he didn't feel with people anymore. As he laid down on the sand, his legs inside the cardboard box and the rest of his body uncovered, he reached a tentacle up towards the sky. His little smile spread a little more as he inhaled deeply and shut his eyes._

 _He flexed his tentacle, tightening it into a fist and then loosening it. Imagined that he could really reach for the sky. That he could one day escape the confines of his mind and find happiness. That he could maybe befriend SpongeBob and his friends. Maybe he could even...and this was hard for him to be sure about...but maybe he could even prove Squilliam wrong once and for all._

 _He wasn't a loser. He wasn't. He wouldn't accept that._

 _He couldn't accept that._

 _Squidward lowered his tentacle and shifted to his side, piling up some sand underneath his head, forming a pillow. He rubbed his face against the cushion he'd made for himself and smiled, shutting his eyes._

 _This was how he slept every night while he was homeless. He could only rest hoping that something would change._

* * *

"SpongeBob it means a lot to me that you stayed and did everything by yourself."

SpongeBob was standing in front of Mr. Krabs's desk his eyelids sliding closed before popping back open again. His face was fixed into a vacant smile as he tried to keep from collapsing to the floor.

Mr. Krabs looked concerned as he reached into his pocket. "Listen," he began a bit hesitantly. "I think you deserve something extra because it really does mean a lot to me."

The crab then pulled out a few dollars, his claw shaking as he looked away.

SpongeBob looked at the money and then at Mr. Krabs. Seeing his boss looking so pathetic might have moved him on another day, but he felt so tired that he was happy to receive any compensation at all. So he took the money out of his claw.

Or at least tried to.

"Um, Mr. Krabs," SpongeBob began, as he tried to pull the dollars out of the crab's defiant grip.

"Sorry," the crab said sheepishly as he pried his claws apart himself.

As soon as this was over, Mr. Krabs briefly informed SpongeBob that he was going to need him to come in later that day so he should get as much sleep as possible until then and then wished him a goodnight.

He also mumbled curses about Squidward being good-for-nothing.

SpongeBob numbly walked out of the Krusty Krab, not even able to appreciate the relaxing darkness around him. He needed to sleep, but he doubted that he would be able to, knowing that he only had a few hours before he'd need to get up.

As SpongeBob neared his house, he saw Patrick's rock looking still and silent as it always did. He felt envious of his friend for one of the few times of his life. He then neared Squidward's house and he felt a spark of annoyance at the sight of it.

He turned away, keeping his eyes on his pineapple house, when he heard something.

SpongeBob stopped, confused.

He looked up at his house and then around him. He could have sworn he heard some movement of some kind.

He tiptoed towards his house and he heard it again, except this time it was accompanied by a clattering sound.

SpongeBob's eyes widened as he realized that it was coming from inside his house. He ran up to his door and opened and closed it behind him. He then slapped the lights on and looked around frantically.

"Gary!" He cried out as he stalked across the living room, searching for his pet. "Gary? Where are you? Are you o-"

SpongeBob stopped in front of his kitchen and stared at the spectacle that sat before him.

Squidward was sitting on the floor in the corner of his kitchen with cartons of ice cream all around him. He was currently digging into a carton that sat on his lap with a massive spoon. Squidward stopped and pulled the spoon out of his mouth and swallowed the bite he'd taken.

SpongeBob's jaw dropped as he took in what he was looking at.

"Squidward?" SpongeBob covered his face with his hands, relieved yet confused at the same time. "What's going on? What are you doing here?"

"I just wanted some more ice cream," Squidward said sheepishly. "Sorry."

* * *

SpongeBob shook his head, unable to process what was going on. "What?"

Squidward suddenly blinked and looked at the carton in his tentacles before looking up at SpongeBob. His eyes widened as though something had dawned on him. He suddenly shoved the ice cream carton away from him, letting it tumble across SpongeBob's formerly clean tile floor, and rolling to SpongeBob's side.

SpongeBob simply stared at Squidward. The octopus had never entered his house of his own accord before.

"What?" Squidward snapped, as he clumsily scrambled to his feet, breathless with nervousness and embarrassment. "What are you staring at? Whatever you're going to say, you better not-"

"Don't worry, Squid," SpongeBob said. "I'm not gonna make fun of you."

Squidward looked at SpongeBob, and saw that there was no evidence of amusement on his face, much less the smug grin he usually wore at times like this. "Really?" he asked, surprised.

SpongeBob nodded. "I'm too tired to, if you want to know the truth," he said and laughed. "Work was a killer."

"Oh," Squidward said, mood plummeting. He knew who was at fault for that. He inhaled deeply, shutting his eyes. Before he could exhale an apology, SpongeBob interrupted.

"So, um...you wanting to spend the night, Squid? Or did you just come for the ice cream?" SpongeBob had a playful smile now, as he tilted his head at Squidward.

Squidward quickly averted his eyes, uncomfortable. He crossed his tentacles and focused his attention on the first thing he looked at…a photo of SpongeBob and Patrick blowing bubbles. His eyes widened as he realized who had taken the photo…him.

"When was that?" He blurted out before he could stop himself. He knew when it was, so he wasn't sure why he'd asked.

SpongeBob looked in the direction he was looking and he tilted his head. He seemed to be lost in thought for a minute before his eyes lit up and he smiled at Squidward. "It was about seven months ago. You don't remember, Squid? It was when Pat and I were getting ready for a bubble blowing competition."

Squidward pondered this, his eyes narrowing. "was this...was this when I was practicing my clarinet and you two were shouting into your bubbles and making an explosion of noise? Utterly destroying my concentration and any chance of winning?"

"Yes, I mean, um I don't know," SpongeBob said uncertainly.

Squidward sighed, turning away from the photo. "Anyway, no, I don't want to spend the night. I mean, why do you ask? You know the answer."

"Because you might say yes ond day," SpongeBob said winking at him.

"Don't do that," Squidward said, shivering a little.

"Don't do what?"

"Don't wink at me. Like we're...like we're friends or something," Squidward averted his eyes.

"Okay. If you don't like it, I'll stop," SpongeBob said.

Squidward eyed SpongeBob suspiciously. "Anytime you agree so easily, I can't help but be doubtful. And no I'm definitely not spending the night. Are you insane? After you completely ruined my mood earlier, why would I want to spend the night?"

SpongeBob didn't bat an eyelash. He maintained his sweet smile as he nodded. "Okay. Well, then I guess I'm gonna be going -"

"I mean..." and Squidward slapped his tentacles across his mouth, stopping himself. He wasn't sure what he had been about to say, but he knew that it couldn't be good.

SpongeBob gave him a funny look before laughing, though his laugh sounded a little off and the look in SpongeBob's eyes was a bit wary. Something that didn't look right on the sponge. "Squid, I'm really sorry, but I gotta sleep. I'll see you tomorrow."

Squidward nodded, didn't say anything as he walked across the kitchen to pick up the carton. SpongeBob bent down next to him and shook his head, silently telling him that he didn't have to. But Squidward ignored him and picked up his mess anyway.

After throwing away the ice cream, they looked at each other and it was awkward. For the first time SpongeBob averted his eyes out of discomfort with Squidward.

"Okay, well, guess I'll be going then," Squidward said, as he walked quickly to the door, realizing he was overstaying his welcome. He told himself that it was a bad idea to stay here anyway. He felt uncomfortable for a reason.

He also knew that he wouldn't be eating ice cream again anytime soon.

SpongeBob followed him to the door, but stopped him by saying his name just as he reached for the door knob. Squidward turned around, nervously.

SpongeBob lowered his eyes, twiddled his thumbs. "Okay, I don't know why, but I kind of feel like having somebody over since you're here. If you want, you can spend the night. It'll be like a sleepover," SpongeBob looked up at him then, and that familiar smile was on his face. "Seriously, Squid. I'm not mad at you. I forgive and forget."

Squidward frowned, turned to face SpongeBob fully. "Forgive and forget?"

"Yeah. I'm not mad at you for leaving work and making me close all by myself."

Squidward crossed his tentacles and narrowed his eyes. "Okay, why do you have to say it like that, then? If you're mad at me, at least have the decency to be honest."

SpongeBob blanched at this. "I-I am being honest. What are you -"

"No, you're not," Squidward snapped, not caring that he'd startled SpongeBob, who'd jumped at his loud voice. "You're lying and trying to make yourself feel better by being a goody two shoes. How about telling me how you really feel about me instead of lying to us both."

"Squidward," SpongeBob began tensely, eyes lowering again, "I...I just don't want to hurt your...feelings."

Squdiward smirked, then, unsure of why he was even being so mean. The sponge was a kind soul, didn't mean to hurt anyone, and he knew it. But something about the situation, some vibe he was getting from SpongeBob bothered him deep down.

"Well," he began, "if you don't want to hurt my feelings, how about you stop invading my privacy? Oh, but I've only asked a thousand times and that doesn't do squat."

Squidward stepped forward, then, getting into SpongeBob's personal space. The sponge gasped, looked up at him. Squidward felt both shame and satisfaction knowing that he intimidated the sponge. He leaned forward to emphasize his height.

"Just because I ate that ice cream doesn't make it okay, got it? It doesn't make us friends. I wasn't feeling right in the head. You never make me feel right in the head. Honestly, you drive me insane. You and that crab, starfish, and squirrel. If all of you would just mind your own business, I'd be a changed man and I'm sure you know it. I...I..." Squidward suddenly paused, blinked slowly, not noticing SpongeBob giving him an odd look.

"Squid? You okay?" SpongeBob asked, his voice timid.

Squidward blinked out of it and frowned again. "Yes, I'm fine. I…I just..."

And there he felt it again. He felt something threatening to rise up inside him and overpower everything else, all the anger, all the hatred.

He shook it off, and intensified his glare as he stared at SpongeBob. His eyes were bulging out of their sockets, but he didn't care how crazy he looked right then. He just hated this creature.

He suddenly stomped across the room and up to the photo of SpongeBob and Patrick. Squidward's tentacles shook as he looked at the sponge and starfish giddily blowing bubbles in the picture that had been shot from a crooked angle by him.

"Squidward?"

Instead of responding, Squidward tore the frame off of the wall and slammed it against the ground, shattering the glass that covered the photo. He then picked up the photo itself and stared at it, his tentacles trembling violently.

"Squidward?" SpongeBob squeaked out. "What are you doing?"

"What am I doing?" He said, looking at SpongeBob, smiling brightly as he gently pulled the photo out of the frame. "You want to know what I'm doing?"

He laughed suddenly, cruelly. He felt this happiness that felt so out of place yet so right at the same time. Without further ado, he tore the photo into tiny pieces, letting the pieces float to the ground.

SpongeBob didn't say anything. He just stood and stared in shock, face pale.

Squidward's smirk felt so right on his face at that moment. He felt so good. It felt so satisfying to hurt the sponge like this.

But there was something else too.

Something else was rising within him and he didn't know what it was. It felt like his insides were fighting with each other.

"Um, I'm sorry," he said all of a sudden.

SpongeBob didn't say anything. He was still staring at the pieces of the photo that lay on the ground.

"I'm...I'm really," Squidward said, voice cracking, feeling like he was falling into pieces out of nowhere. In that moment he forgot where he was, what he was doing, who he was even talking to. All he knew was that he felt sorry and guilty to the core.

He suddenly fell to his knees and bent down, bowing his head in front of SpongeBob. "Please forgive me. Neptune, I feel so bad. I can't believe everything I've said and done to you."

There was a silence after this and Squidward was sweating, his heart pounding hard and fast in his chest. He felt this pain deep inside that was killing him slowly and this was the only way to relieve it. He was trembling as he sat like this, but he didn't care. He didn't care if he bowed down to SpongeBob completely pouring his soul out to him.

SpongeBob knelt down to his level, placed a hand on Squidward's shoulder, making him flinch before peeking at him. "Squid…." SpongeBob began, eyes creased with concern. "What are you doing?"

Squidward felt his heart nearly burst at the kind look in SpongeBob's eyes. Was the sponge superhuman or something?

"How do you do it?" he choked out, beginning to cry. "How are you so nice to people without expecting anything in return?"

SpongeBob processed this before smiling and then chuckling. It was so bizarre. It was like what he'd done had never happened.

"Squid, it's easy. I just don't care what others think. I'm nice without thinking about what I'll get in return. There is no how or why. You can do it too. In fact, I know you're kind. You're a good guy. I guess you just don't see in yourself what I do."

Squidward shook his head. "Do you not recall what I just did to your photo? Are you an even bigger idiot than I...I mean...Sorry," Squidward said sheepishly, ducking his head in shame.

"Hey," SpongeBob said, squeezing Squidward's shoulder. "Keep your head up, Squid. Seriously."

Squidward nodded, sniffing. He could already feel the aftereffects of what he'd done. The shame, guilt, self-hatred, and anger. He knew that things weren't going to change after this. He was the one who'd made a fool out of himself. Again.

How many times did he have to do this before he finally exploded and shattered into a million pieces?

"I think I'm gonna go," Squidward said quietly.

"Okay," SpongeBob said. He helped him up, to his embarrassment. But he didn't stop Squidward like he normally would.

Squidward stood in front of SpongeBob feeling deeply vulnerable. He crossed his tentacles in front of himself to try to control his shaking. "Alright, well, bye," he said gruffly as he turned around and began running back to his house. He had to leave before he made anymore of a fool out of himself.

He shoved his key into his door as he tried to block out the sound of SpongeBob shouting a goodbye to him from his own door. He finally managed to unlock his door and entered his house and slammed the door shut behind him before sliding to the floor. He covered his face with his tentacles and felt the tears sliding down his face.

He sat there like this until he eventually fell asleep.


	7. Chapter 7

The high pitched screech of Squidward's alarm clock ripped him out of his sleep, making him gasp as he quickly sat up straight. His heart pounded as he blinked rapidly, coming into reality as he realized that the sound wasn't a demonic laughing SpongeBob that chased after him like the creature in his dreams last night. Every night, actually.

Squidward trudged his way past a deeply sleeping Snelly, and up the stairs to turn off his alarm clock. After slamming his fist against the snooze button and then dropping the clock onto the floor, smiling as a piece of it broke off, he turned to his bed and let himself drop onto it. He squeezed his blanket with his tentacles and rubbed his face against the softness of it, unable to understand why he hadn't slept on his bed last night. Or why his alarm clock was so loud that it could wake him up from downstairs.

Sleeping on the floor wasn't something Squidward was used to. He figured he must have been truly exhausted last night...or was it that ice cream that did this to him? He wouldn't put it past that. He froze, eyes popping open. He frowned at the memories that cascaded back into his mind.

He rolled over onto his back and cringed inwardly as he remembered…

Squidward walking out on SpongeBob, leaving him to close the restaurant alone. SpongeBob seeing him on his kitchen floor gorging himself on ice cream, Squidward flying into a rage and destroying SpongeBob's photo, then bowing before him, groveling and begging for his forgiveness.

Squidward felt his face heat up as he tried to keep himself from remembering these things, but it was like the harder he tried not to think about it, the more persistent the memories were.

He pulled out the pillow that was under his head and held it against his face, felt its coldness cool his face down a little.

"Hiya Squidward! I hope you have a wonderful day at work today!"

Squidward flinched in terror and threw himself off of his bed to the floor, collapsing into a heap, his tentacles splayed around him.

He trembled in rage as he saw the sponge outside his open window, gazing at him, smiling as always. He didn't remember opening that window, so he could only assume that SpongeBob had opened it himself.

SpongeBob shook his head at Squidward, as though he was just the silliest thing. "Squid, you're all tangled up," he said. "You need some help?"

Squidward stood up on quaking legs and dusted himself off. He kept his eyes on the floor until he could calm down enough to keep himself from shouting. He didn't feel like wasting the energy.

"One of these days, I'm going to go to your house with the sole purpose of scaring you to death, and my sad life will finally have some meaning. Because I hate you."

"Wow, I didn't know I was that important to you, Squidward," SpongeBob said. "But you know you can always come over whenever you want."

"Yup," Squidward said curtly, raising his head to look at the square monster. "I know, alright!"

SpongeBob's eyes softened as he pushed his legs over the window ledge and then dropped himself into Squidward's bedroom. "Did you sleep well last night? You look pooped if you want my honesty."

Squidward shook his head and chuckled bitterly. "SpongeBob, I never want your anything. When are you going to understand-"

"Are you getting ready for work?" SpongeBob asked. He walked over to Squidward's closet and placed a hand on the doorknob. "Do you need me to help you pick out what to wear?"

Squidward stared at SpongeBob before turning around, shutting his eyes and breathing deeply to calm himself down.

"What are you doing, Squidward? Are you-"

"Will you just leave me _alone_!?" Squidward shrieked, turning around fast, on the verge of grabbing the sponge and throwing him out the window.

SpongeBob was unfazed as usual. He still maintained his smile as he shot Squidward a thumbs up. "Okie dokie, Squid. I gotta get ready for work anyway. See ya in a bit!"

He then skipped his way out of his room and down the stairs. He heard the sponge say hi to Snelly before he heard the front door open and close.

Finally.

As Squidward slowly began to calm down after SpongeBob's departure, he shut his eyes and focused on his breathing. It was something he'd been practicing lately thanks to some books he'd bought that taught meditation and breathing exercises. He was always looking for books to help him hone his skills and he'd been skeptical about these particular books at first, but he eventually found that they helped him to deal with the idiots around him. At least for a little while, anyway.

Once he felt like he'd calmed down enough, he opened his eyes. The first thing he saw was his oil canvas that stood to the left of the window. Paintbrushes were on the floor next to the canvas, along with unopened tubes of oil paint.

The canvas itself had only a pencil-drawn outline of Squidward's face and upper torso, though. He felt tears prick his eyes as he walked over to it and studied the sketch. Another possibility of competing ruined because of his idiotic neighbor.

Okay, maybe not completely ruined. Squidward still had some time to work on it, since the competition was a few days away. He'd just have to make time after work today. But he still felt frustrated about his inability to work on it at all yesterday. And all just because of a childish party...

To top it all off, he had forgotten that he had to work today until SpongeBob had so kindly reminded him. Or perhaps he had just subconsciously been pushing the reminder to the very back of his own mind.

He wished that SpongeBob hadn't reminded him so that he could have a valid excuse not to come in. He wasn't sure he was ready to face SpongeBob, Mr. Krabs, and the mentally disturbed customers today.

Squidward realized that he didn't feel like waiting around until the last second today. He didn't even feel hungry. He just wanted to go straight to work and get whatever was going to happen when he got there over with. So he shut his window, left his room, and walked down the stairs. Before he reached the front door, he backtracked and looked inside the kitchen. Snelly meowed sleepily from her bed that sat next to the entry of the kitchen.

Squidward's face softened as he bent down to pet her eye stalks. He smiled crookedly at his only friend.

Snelly shut her eyes and meowed appreciatively as he massaged her in the way that he knew she liked. If only it was as easy to make friends with creatures that talked, he thought to himself. He tried shoving that thought aside, too, but it was hard to keep it away. It was one that haunted him in all aspects of his life.

Yes, it was true. He did want friends from the bottom of his heart.

But life was cruel and he knew that he had to accept that. At least he had Snelly. It was better than nothing, after all.

Squidward stood up and walked to the front door, then grabbed the keys that hung next to it. Opening the door, he turned around one last time. "Snelly, I'll be back in a few hours. Take care of the house for me while I'm gone, okay? And remember. If anyone knocks, _don't_ answer."

 _Because it's probably SpongeBob_ , he thought to himself irritably.

Snelly meowed a confirmation and Squidward left the house, shutting and locking the door behind him.

It was a few minutes into his walk that he realized that he'd again forgotten to feed Snelly, but by then he didn't feel like turning back.

* * *

Squidward walked down Conch Road, his pace slow as he kept his eyes straight ahead, dreading his destination.

Before he'd left the house he'd felt like getting things over with, but as soon as he was out the door, he was filled with anxiety.

His body ached and his tentacles dragged along behind him. He could feel the bags under his eyes and his eyes themselves burned from the brightness of the sun.

This wasn't the first time he'd felt like this, though.

Like SpongeBob had mentioned, he did like to have a drink every now and then. Let's just say being in a stupor made his life somewhat less torturous. In the mornings after a drinking binge, he'd walk around like a zombie, barely able to even leave the house. But that didn't take away from the amazing feeling that drinking gave him the night before.

The feeling of being relaxed and at ease with the present moment.

And what was it that made him drink? Well, was there any question?

Sometimes it was because of the ringing in his head from all the screaming and laughing next door that nearly drove him to contemplate suicide. Sometimes it was the friendly smiles and offerings of peace long after his day had been wrecked. Most of the time it was simply his loneliness that drove him to drink. Although, strange as it was, he hadn't been drinking as much as usual lately. Maybe it was because he'd been focusing on his artwork more.

Well, whatever the case, he sure felt like drinking right now.

At 7:54 in the morning.

Squidward smiled sadly as he stared at the ground, passing by other fish who looked at him briefly as they walked by. He often attracted stares, though, so this wasn't new. Usually, he'd assume that it was out of jealousy of his good looks, but right now he figured that maybe they sensed what a loser he was just by looking at him.

Because that was what he felt like.

Finally, he looked up, sensing that he was near his destination. His nose wrinkled instinctively at the sight of the giant clam Krusty Krab sign. He stood before the restaurant and inhaled deeply, preparing himself for Mr. Krabs's interrogation.

Squidward looked down at his watch. He was a few minutes early, an impressive feat for him since he was usually at least twenty minutes late to work. He was sure both Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob were going to do a double take at the sight of him there so early, at least.

Squidward shook his head and walked towards the restaurant. His thoughts were getting him nowhere and he was only getting later to work. He had no idea why he cared about being late, but he assumed it was because he needed the money.

He hesitated the slightest bit before pushing the front doors open and going inside.

* * *

The Krusty Krab was empty.

Squidward stood in front of the doorway, eyes darting around everywhere, looking for any sign of a soul inside the restaurant.

He didn't see or hear any sign of life.

Squidward walked slowly up to the register that had no one behind it and saw that there was no one hiding in the boat either. He walked around the register and stuck his head into the window that connected to the kitchen and saw no one in there either.

He pulled his head out of the window and then turned around to look back at the Krusty Krab lobby, tempted to scratch his head in confusion.

His eyes widened as he realized there was at least one other place that the sponge and crab could be. He was rarely here this early, so he'd forgotten that his coworkers could be in Mr. Krabs's office.

He sprinted down the hallway, keeping his eyes ahead so as not to get creeped out by all the photos of SpongeBob on the walls. Once he reached the end of the hallway, he raised a tentacle to knock on the door that had a "Do Not Disturb" sign on it. Squidward paused, his tentacle in the air, frowning at the sign. But just before he could knock, he heard some whispering from inside and then what sounded like shuffling and footsteps.

Mr. Krabs cracked open the door and narrowed his eyes at Squidward, making him lean back and smile nervously. The door slammed in his face, making his heart jump in his chest. Squidward stood in shock, staring at the door, unsure of what to do.

A few seconds later the door opened again. Mr. Krabs laughed as he held it all the way open for him.

"Just kidding, lad. Sorry. I couldn't resist!" He gestured towards SpongeBob, who was sitting in front of his desk, and the empty chair next to him. "Come on in, we need to talk."

Squidward blinked, still recovering from what had actually hurt his feelings a little. He walked in tentatively, feeling nervous as he approached SpongeBob.

SpongeBob looked up at Squidward and smiled, but the smile looked stiff...not quite the friendly smile he'd seen just before he'd left for work.

Squidward stood in front of SpongeBob, staring at him as he smiled uncomfortably, feeling as though he had to say something. He had no idea what it was he felt he should say, though.

"Squidward, sit down," Mr. Krabs said after shutting the door. He then scuttled his way over to his desk.

Squidward sat in the chair next to SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs stayed standing behind his desk as he eyed them both.

"SpongeBob and I were just having a little talk about what happened last night. I would have asked you to join us, but I figured your phone was still off the hook," Mr. Krabs said with a wink.

"What? How did you- I mean, I...I just forgot to pay the phone bill. That's all. I didn't...unplug it from the outlet or whatever." Squidward looked away, blushing with embarrassment at being caught red-handed. "And don't wink at me. Seriously."

It was partially true, though. He did forget that he had to pay the phone bill soon. Maybe all the stress in his life was affecting his memory. Or maybe he was just that careless. Or maybe it was-

"Oh." Mr. Krabs looked a little disappointed as he studied him, but he seemed to shrug it off. "Anyway, since you're here – and congratulations for getting here early by the way - I hope you don't mind if we have a little talk."

"Um, it's fine I guess," Squidward said, eyes darting to SpongeBob who kept his eyes on Mr. Krabs. He wondered what Krabs and SpongeBob had been talking about before he'd arrived. There was definitely some tension as he'd entered the office, and SpongeBob was clearly avoiding looking him in the eye. That wasn't like the sponge.

Mr. Krabs's mouth suddenly set in a grim line as he crossed his arms behind his back. He shook his head as he looked at Squidward.

"Squidward, you know I care about you, don't you? I know I'm a little hard on you boys sometimes, but I like to think we're more than just coworkers. We're friends, right?"

 _Not in a million years._

"Yeah. I guess. In a way."

Mr. Krabs began pacing then, quiet for a few seconds. Squidward fought the urge to tell him to hurry it up and just say what he has to say. It took all he had to contain his anger. Even now, he still felt this tight ball of rage inside himself that was trying to claw its way out. And he doubted it was because of the ice cream. At least, not directly.

Mr. Krabs stopped pacing and turned towards them again, eyed Squidward, then eyed SpongeBob, then Squidward again.

Squidward felt himself begin to tremble, and he gritted his teeth in order to keep from pouncing on the crab and ordering him to spit it out already. He had so little patience anymore. That was one of the reasons he didn't ever attend work meetings. He couldn't stand the comparisons between him and SpongeBob and then being told every little thing he did wrong. It was like he came to work solely for the purpose of being a punching bag. Actually, that was pretty much what he was in all aspects of his life.

Finally, Mr. Krabs sighed, as he placed his claws on his desk and looked Squidward in the eye.

"Squidward, I'm just gonna say it since it looks like you might start another tantrum right here and now, and if you want me to be honest, I'm sick of it."

Mr. Krabs leaned forward, focusing his full attention on Squidward. Squidward shrank a little in his seat under the intensity of the crab's glare. "I'm a nice fella, but I can only take so much. Especially when it's hurting me other employees and me money." Mr. Krabs reached into a drawer and pulled out a sheet of paper, placing it on the desk in front of Squidward.

Squidward leaned forward to look at it.

"Look, I know you haven't listened to me in the past, but I'm gonna give you an ultimatum." Mr. Krabs sighed. "If you want to work here, if you want me to take a little less money off of your paycheck, go to therapy. It's not only going to help me, but it's going to help you, too, Squidward."

Squidward stared at what looked like a formal letter telling him that he is being sent to therapy in order to deal with "anger issues". He leaned back after reading parts of it, taking in what had just been said to him. He turned towards SpongeBob, hoping for some sort of reaction, but the sponge had his head lowered, staring at the hands that sat in his lap.

Squidward turned back towards Mr. Krabs, laughing as he looked into his eyes, unable to believe that his employer was as dead serious as he sounded.

But the grim expression on his face only made him even more afraid. Squidward laughed nervously again, shaking his head in disbelief. "You...You're joking, right? I mean, how can you even tell me to do this? You're my boss, but you can't talk to me like this. You can't tell me I need mental help. That's...that's _ridiculous_."

"Squidward, if you want to see ridiculous, you should see yourself every day on the job."

"Says who? _You_?" Squidward continued shaking his head, looking again to SpongeBob for help, but the sponge only smiled at him apologetically. He turned back to Mr. Krabs, now feeling anger rise in him again. "Who wouldn't have anger issues working for a scrooge like-?"

" _Listen_ ," Mr. Krabs snapped, raising his claw which made Squidward shut his mouth, "I'm sorry for scribbling across your magazine like I did. I know that was pretty lousy of me to do. But I get annoyed with your attitude, lad. Do you know how many angry customers I get each day because of you? I don't even know how many because it's practically every other customer."

"Okay. Well, how about you take my side for once and realize that nearly every one of them comes in looking for a fight?" Squidward ground out.

Mr Krabs stood up, walked around his desk and to the door, holding it open. "Alright, well, I gave you my ultimatum. What happens next is up to you." He looked at Squidward expectantly.

Squidward stayed seated, pursing his lips and trying to keep from blowing up on them both. It was so tempting to point out each and every one of their flaws. He could name them easily. But something told him that wouldn't be the best way to handle the situation, especially after what happened last night. So he shut his eyes to calm himself down, thought about the advice in the meditation book he'd read.

Squidward thought about how SpongeBob had looked after he'd torn his picture into pieces. He thought about last night and how he didn't want to repeat that again. He thought about when he'd keep himself from exploding...how much better he felt afterward. He opened his eyes again and sighed loudly, unable to ignore the throbbing pain in his chest. He was so angry it hurt to keep it all in.

 _Well, this is my good deed of the day_ , he thought to himself bitterly.

Squidward pushed himself out of his chair and stalked out of Mr. Krabs's office, making sure to keep his eyes straight ahead, avoiding looking at either SpongeBob or his boss as he rushed down the hallway and then practically ran out of the Krusty Krab. He was so tempted to grab a chair in the lobby and throw it across the room, but some small, sane part of him stopped him from seriously considering it.

As he stomped away from the restaurant and towards his house, he gripped the paper tightly in his tentacles as he held it up and read one line over and over again, his blood boiling hotter each time.

 _anger management issues and lack of consideration for others_


End file.
